The Return of Christmas

Another misleading post title, then. I'm not talking about the return of the Christmas season, which in fact I've covered previously (and will almost certainly cover again), but the return of Christmas to WAKE UP itself (not that it ever really went away). In doing so, I'd like to introduce what's essentially the first ever guest post on WAKE UP, which will take a rather unusual form. It's not so much a post, actually, as a screenplay by my good friend Saoirse; she decided to write a Christmas film, and this is what she came up with. It's rather short, of course, but I prefer to think of it as perfectly-formed; really, you don't need any more than this.

'Holy Shit, Christmas'

By

Saoirse Ní Chiaragáin

1. INT. SANTA'S OFFICE. DAY.

SANTA'S office is lovely. It looks like Christmas exploded and is dripping off the walls. Everything is all...nice. SANTA is checking the naughty-nice list.

SANTA

Oh everyone is so nice! This

makes my job so goddamn easy!

Suddenly, he gasps with horror. His hands shake and he drops the list.

SANTA

No...no...Jesus Christ, NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

We see that MRS. CLAUS has been listed as naughty. Holy shit.

 

You may invent your own ending; I rather like the one where Santa initiates divorce proceedings against his wife, and they have heated courtroom battles over who gets custody of the elves.

[ 36 days until Christmas!]